1. 1. Come into the room making lots of noise and turning on the light when people are sleeping
2. 2.Talk really loudly for no reason, particularly in another language even when you are fluent in the common language of the room
3. 3. Have a mysterious body odour that lingers even after you have left the room
4. 4. Rattle in plastic bags through all hours of the day
6. 6. Try to be quiet by doing things slower so you end up taking twice as long and making twice as much noise
7. 7. Hack up a lung throughout the morning while people are trying to get that last skerrick of sleep
8. 8. Wake up to eat a muesli bar at 4am, while rattling the wrapper and gasping for air as you shovel it in and then go back to sleep
9. 9. Keep hitting snooze on an alarm you don’t get up for
10. 10. Don’t put the provided sheets onto your bed/quilt/pillow so that all unsuspecting guests after you can sleep in your filth
11. 11. Have sex all night even when other guests are telling you to stop, and shh and are shining their phone lights on you to show they are awake – bonus points if you do this in conjunction with number 10
12. 12. Open the blinds and window while people are sleeping in and then leave the room for the day
13. 13. Smoke in the dorm room so that it not only smells all night, but you risk starting a fire
14. 14. Get really drunk and start spraying your friends and the newly polished floors with fire extinguishers – about 4 should cover an entire level and stairwell
15. 15. Roll around on the top bunk all night so the person below shakes with you
16. 16. Constantly move other peoples things
17. 17. Start up conversations with your new roommates at 1am after you’ve just woken them up at your arrival… and then continue to talk when it is clear they have no interest in anything you have to say – repeating questions you have already heard the answers to is also great
18. 18. Leave the dorm room door open or unlocked so that not only yours but everyone’s belongings can be stolen
19. 19. Go in and out of the room collecting one thing of yours at a time eg. One sock, the other sock, jumper, bag…
20. 20. Sleep in someone else’s bed because you prefer the bottom bunk and let them figure out where to sleep when they come home late, and where their stuff is
21. 21. Apologise really loudly for any minor noise you may have made, repeatedly so that the apology is louder than the noise itself
22. 22. Have an argument with a native speaker over what your meal was called at a local restaurant because you are sure that the “half pig – half chicken” animal you ate was called a “fluechen! you know!? FLUECHEN!”
23. 23. Act genuinely insane, shifty, drugged out or special
24. 24. Tell other travellers that their destinations and places they’ve been are crap and that they shouldn’t have gone there
25. 25. Have hour long showers in your 10 bed dorm ensuite so that no one else can keep their schedule – also make sure all hot water has been used up
26. 26. Ask other guests if you can borrow their phone while holding your mobile in your hand – why should you have to pay for international calls home?!?
27. 27. Stand in doorway of lobby and chat so that people on couches inside can enjoy the sub-zero temperatures from outside
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